TABS
TABS - Play Online
Ever wanted to watch googly-eyed warriors flail around in pure chaos? This is basically a browser clone of the famous Totally Accurate Battle Simulator, and it leans hard into the same wobbly physics comedy. You're building two armies of low-poly soldiers, hitting "Start," and watching them charge at each other in the most ridiculous ragdoll fashion possible. It's a sandbox where you're the director of mayhem, perfect for quick laughs or seeing if 50 archers can beat 20 ninjas throwing shurikens everywhere.
Key Features
- Campaign and Sandbox Modes: Beat pre-set battles with a budget, or go wild with unlimited cash and create your dream matchups.
- Runs Smoothly on Most Devices: The low-poly art style means even older PCs and phones can handle the chaos without lag.
- Physics-Driven Battles: Every spear, shuriken, and punch has weight—units stumble, fall, and react in hilarious ways.
- Red vs Blue Army Building: Place your troops strategically, then watch the AI take over as they charge into glorious, messy combat.
How to Play TABS
It's dead simple to start, but finding the perfect army combo? That's the puzzle.
Build Your Army
You pick units from a menu—archers, melee fighters, ninjas, whatever the game unlocks for you. In Campaign mode, you've got a limited budget, so every soldier counts. Place them on your side of the battlefield by clicking where you want them to stand. In Sandbox, there's no money limit, so stack 100 units if you want to watch absolute carnage.
Watch the Battle Unfold
Hit the "Start" button and both armies sprint forward. You're just a spectator now—the physics engine does the rest. Units throw projectiles, swing weapons, and ragdoll when they get hit. You can slow down time with the T key to catch every absurd moment, or move the camera with WASD to get a better angle on the destruction. On mobile, use the left side of the screen to move the camera and the right side to look around during battle.
Learn and Adjust
One army gets wiped out, the game tells you who won, and you tweak your strategy for the next round. Campaign mode forces you to beat specific enemy formations to progress, while Sandbox lets you test wild theories like "Can one giant beat fifty peasants?" The unlock system keeps you coming back to try new unit types.
Who is TABS for?
This is for casual gamers and kids who want zero-stress entertainment. There's no skill ceiling—you're not controlling units directly, so it's perfect if you just want to set up a battle and laugh at the results. Teens will appreciate the dumb humor, and it's safe enough for younger players since the violence is cartoonish and bloodless. If you need a game to kill 5-10 minutes between tasks, this nails it.
The Gameplay Vibe
Pure spectator comedy. The action is fast once you hit Start, but you're not stressed because you're just watching. The googly eyes on every soldier never stop being funny, especially when a unit gets nailed by three spears and stumbles backward like a drunk puppet. Visually, it's super basic—oversaturated grass, simple trees, and cranked-up bloom effects to make projectiles glow. There's no music that stood out to me, just satisfying impact sounds when weapons connect. It's the kind of game you play with a friend next to you, both yelling at the screen as your army collapses.
Technical Check: Saves & Performance
The game auto-saves your progress in the browser cache, so your unlocked units and campaign progress stick around. Just don't nuke your browsing history or you'll lose everything. Performance-wise, it runs buttery smooth even on budget laptops—the low-poly graphics and minimal particle effects mean no stuttering. Mobile works fine too, though placing units with your finger can feel a bit imprecise compared to a mouse.
Quick Verdict: Pros & Cons
A fun physics playground that doesn't demand much from you, but it's clearly riding on another game's coattails.
- ✅ Pro: Instant laughs—the ragdoll physics and googly eyes never get old.
- ✅ Pro: Free, browser-based, and works on potato hardware.
- ❌ Con: It's a shameless clone of the original Totally Accurate Battle Simulator with no unique twist, and once you've seen all the units, the novelty wears off fast.
Controls
Responsive and simple. Mouse clicks feel instant, and camera controls are smooth enough to capture the action.
- Desktop: WASD for camera movement, Mouse to look around in battle, F for free camera, T to slow time, ESC to exit.
- Mobile: Left side of the screen moves the camera, right side controls view, on-screen buttons for everything else.
Release Date & Developer
Developed by VSEGON and released on January 1, 2023. It's a Unity-based browser game that clearly aims to capture the spirit of the popular physics battle sim genre.
